Well I could go back just over 3 years ago, that's because that's how old my son is now. It actually goes even further back but I'll just start there.
I'll try to stay to the point of this blog without ranting on and on about what happened in the past to get to this situation. So I'll just say that I am not with the mother of my son, I am happily married to an amazing woman and I love her and my son more than anything. We were not together before, during or after the pregnancy. I met my wife a month before my son was born and we've been together ever since. Most of the problems are because my EX is very jealous because I am happily married. My wife loves my son like he was her own and this bothers my EX to no end.
I have to mention, I had suspicions a few months after she told me she was pregnant. I was living in Toronto at the time and she had told me online that she cheated on me just before I moved; this is around the time the doctor figured was the time of conception, within a week or two, so what else was I suppose to think. The night my son was born, I went to the hospital to see him and to me, he didn’t look like me at all, so I doubted it even more. Long story short, we had a DNA test done when he was 6 months old and it turned out he is mine. Problem is I never saw him in the first 6 months, due to my doubts, and I may have spoken to her once or twice in that time but after I found out he was mine, I’ve been there for him ever since. Eventually child support payments were set up through the courts and legal aid. I fell behind at one point because I was laid off work. After I found my current job, that I love, payments continued through the Family Responsibility Office and have been ever since. I do pay child support, which is supposed to go towards my sons clothing, food, etc. I have reason to believe that’s not what’s happening, I believe she’s using it for herself, to pay bills and I also know that she’s still smoking pot, even with my son sleeping in the next room.
Now we have joint custody but his primary residence is with his mother. It's the most useless joint custody that's ever been issued by a court ever!! A lot of people are not aware that custody has nothing to do with where the child resides, that’s access. It’s the important decision making when it comes to what religion, school, family doctor to use, etc. The “normal” separated couple would discuss these things in a mature manner and come to a decision together. But in my case, that makes no difference because my EX gets the last say in anything anyway and seeing as how she could not have a decent mature conversation, not only with me but with anyone, we would not agree on anything anyway. One example would be this past winter; we had to pick a school for my son to start kindergarten this September. I was surprised when she asked me to look into this so I agreed of course. I figured it had to be a school close to her house, because that’s his primary residence. I found one that was only a few blocks away. I thought it was perfect as it’s a nice school, good programs for kids, and close enough she could walk him to and from school. I set up an appointment to go in with her to fill in the registration forms and everything, met her there, and everything was fine. A couple of days later, she calls me and tells me she’s putting him in another school, which is fine but what was the point of me researching the school, speaking with them and making an appointment only to find out that she was planning on keeping him in daycare for half the day and sending him to the other school.
Ontario Works “welfare as most of us call it” pays the subsidy on the daycare he was at, so that had to be changed to the new school because they also provide a daycare in the same building, so he would go from one room then into the kindergarten room. This was also fine with me but my point is, she didn’t tell me about what she was planning to begin with, she pretty much waited until the last minute to find out if welfare would cover the subsidy for this new daycare and in the mean time, clocks ticking, and I still haven’t heard anything about where my son was accepted. This is not the only time this has happened. In 3 ½ years, she has NEVER called me and my wife, to ask any advice or anything regarding my son. She has told me that she goes to her neighbors and friends for advice and questions on what to do. The only time she calls is when she’s looking for money or for some of the clothes she puts on him. We’ve had to buy him so many new clothes because every time we get him on the weekends, we either don’t see the same clothes for months on end or when we do, they are so stained they are ruined. My wife had a talk with her a few weeks ago and had told her that we had bought him a pair of leather sandals that he could use at the daycare because the ones he had on before were very worn out and getting way too small for his feet. She had agreed to this so the weekend after this talk, we went to pick him up from the daycare and he was back wearing the same old, worn, small sandals. As usual, she kept them to use at her place so she wouldn’t have to go out and pay for another pair. This has happened many times in the past with shoes and clothes. We have tried many times in the past to help out, offer advice, anything to make her more comfortable and to understand that when my son is with us, he is taken care of and loved more than anything.
The last conversation I had with her, and she had with my wife, she told us that she does all these things to just to piss me off because it’s cute. Talking to her is like talking to a wall, literally! In one ear and out the other. No matter what we say or do means nothing to her and to make things even worse, she uses my son to get to us as well, ok, more me than my wife. Every weekend we get him, we get some kind of message from her that he tells us, things she is not suppose to discuss with a 3 year old.
Well, we’ve had enough!!
I should probably say more about my EX, this could explain more. As I mentioned before, she is on welfare. She’s been on welfare pretty much all her life; so much for temporary assistance, as they say on the website (http://www.mcss.gov.on.ca/mcss/english/pillars/social/ow) on the first line of what Ontario Works is about. Personally I don’t think people on assistance should be allowed to have a credit card, among other things. She has at least one that I know of that she shares with her sister, who I might add is also on welfare…. ok, her whole family is on welfare. She lives at home with her parents and her younger brother and my son. Her place isn’t clean at all, its dark 90% of the time, even during the day, there isn’t adequate ventilation, there’s clutter everywhere, and they don’t throw things out much, if at all. There’s approximately a 4’x4’ space in the living room for my son to play in, watch TV, and run around. It’s a 3 bedroom townhouse, with small rooms. Last time I saw my son’s room there was barely any walking space in it because of all the stuff that was in there. I don’t even know if she’s finally taken him out of the crib yet. Knowing her, she probably only took the side gate off of it, so he can get in and out on his own. All the other stuff is probably still in there too. There’s a musty moldy smell too as soon as you walk in the place. She does have a washer and dryer in the basement, where her brother sleeps but she doesn’t use them very often. She told me once that she only does a wash once every two weeks, which would explain the constant stains on my son’s clothes. We tried to explain to her that if there are stains, she should treat them right away to avoid them and his clothes would last longer and that if they stay in a hamper too long, the stain not only set in, but its not very healthy for him either. More of which went in one ear and out the other. He’s been sick more the last 2 years, with a recurring bronchial cough. I could really do nothing about this. Sad really….It did turn out that he had an infection. So basically her place of residence is not sanitary or a proper environment for the raising of a child. Maybe the welfare money she gets and money she gets from me is sent back to the Philippines, as Filipinos are the best known for this. If I found that was the case I would flip! (Monies are sent back to help support the families left behind and studies have been done by the government that show Filipinos are the worst for this)
She lives in the Russell projects behind Harvey’s and Tim Horton’s on St. Laurent Blvd and those who know this area know where I’m talking about. The whole neighborhood is a welfare zone, not to mention drug dealers and users… her being one of the users as she smokes pot still. I know this for a fact. It’s not a very safe neighborhood both as there is garbage of all sorts out every day of the week and I’ve seen broken glass scattered around everywhere.
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